Buckfasting

Similar to my relationship with SAT Prep, piano lessons, and MMA, I came dangerously close to ending things with this blog. I could blame the bull shit internet in our apartment or my "hectic" schedule, but really I've just been lazy. In the time since I last blogged I am pleased to report that there has been a new element in my Irish life - rugby. Unlike the dollar, the absolute joy of peanut butter and jelly, and FCC regulations (stand by for details) that fail to translate here the same way it does at home, somethings never change even when the time zone does. That is the fact that no matter what I do I get my ass handed to me in rugby - on the field and at the pub. After a few months of having (almost) the beach worthy legs of any other twenty year old girl, I can once again relate my current physical condition to Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby (which is frustrating since I came here aiming to be her in P.S. I Love You).

On that note, despite my extensive pre-departure research on how to find an Irish husband via multiple views of P.S. I Love You and Leap Year, it took one month of failure, field study, and an abroad viewing of Gerard at his finest for us to realize we were going about this all wrong.

(J.Gelson's Comcast Bill)

 We decided to learn from Ms. Swank and put away our heels, Druid Celtic Ciders, and clubbing ways then replacing them with new rules:
1. Get lost in a park, or other forms of Irish culture
2. Wear bright clothing
3. Be Sober.
I'll keep you posted.


I wrote all of the above about 45 minutes ago. In that time Kelsey reported to 302 in order to go on our standard procedure journey to Spars for our pre-pub Druids. As I stared down at the 6% Celtic goodness I held in my hands, I had an epiphany. All the conversation points of the day began to flood into my head simultaneously:
"It's our 1 month anniversary in Ireland" "What happened to when we went hard every night 10 on and 1 off?" "We need to get back to our old ways" "Princess Peach misses Samantha"


Me: Kelsey...put back the Druids
Kelsey: Wait, you mean...Buckfast?
Me: Absofuckinlutely


From the look in my eye, the Princess Peach inside of her knew exactly what I wanted. As we rode the Niland House elevator back to my room with the Irish Four Loko hidden in our coats, I was overtaken by a combination of anxiety and excitement like it was the first day of college. Another attribute of this fear could be credited to the potentially schizophrenic homeless man drinking what appeared to be a Buckfast outside of the Galway Tours office today (where we booked a Cliffs of Moher trip for tomorrow which is obviously being pushed back to Sunday). In order for this excitement and fear to be fully understood, it should be known that Buckfast is a Red Tonic Wine made by monks (therefore clearly a trustworthy beverage in the eyes of God) which is 15% alcohol and has 55 mg of Caffeine. It is these facts combined with the many other reports we have heard from experienced Buckfasters, and our naturally reckless personalities, that can be blamed for why it took us so long to experience the drink that is commonly found lining Shop Street either empty or broken. Needless to say, the plan proposed in the first portion of this blog has been officially vetoed. Like any responsible, well-educated young lady, I confronted a credible source to act as a critic of the bottled black-out before taking the journey. UrbanDictionary.com states:


1.) Also known as 'Tonic Wine'. The word 'tonic', however, "does not imply health giving or medicinal properties. In fact, the high caffiene & mineral content generally gives the consumer an unparalleled ability to start fights" 
2.) The best alcoholic drink ever invented.a rich red,almost black wine, made by the wonderful benedictine monks.has many added chemicals such as sodium glycerophosphate and the ever more lovely vanillin.
3.) An energy drink mixed with fortified wine, sold only in the most budget of newsagents. gets you another kind of drunk, like an animal. {my favorite so far}
4.) Heavy consumption of this sweet wine was linked to the poor success of the team in the post World Cup era, however as the teams star is in the ascendency again, so too is the level of buckie being bought to fuel the sensless hedonism and optimism
5.) Cat piss and battery acid mixed together and called an alcoholic beverage.

On that note, bottoms up. Pray for us.

Kelsey Kalberer

i don't know whether to be really amped or really petrified about the events to come tonight.

6 minutes ago